BONUS VOLUME– “TWILIGHT ZONE JUMANJI: REALITY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING” Somewhere Between Fiction and You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

 🌀 MIRA SELAH’S HOMESCHOOL NEWSLETTER: SPECIAL ISSUE 🌀


📍 FROM THE DESK OF MIRA SELAH 



 Dear Readers,

Have you ever opened your eyes and thought, “This has to be a dream. Right? RIGHT?” But then the dream starts eating toast at your kitchen table and letting its dog poop in front of your apartment like it pays rent?

Yeah. Welcome to the town I now call home. A place so wild it feels like it was written by Rod Serling and the producers of Jumanji—while sipping lukewarm reality tea. It’s a neighborhood where bugs crawl into your soul and neighbors crawl into your business.

Here, I am the anomaly. The single mom without a family name carved into the sidewalks. The woman who didn’t grow up playing duck-duck-goose with everyone’s cousin. So they “welcome” me with a warm casserole of passive-aggression and noise complaints they caused.

They show up when they’re in a pinch—when their car breaks, their toilet explodes, or they just “really need someone who isn’t emotionally invested” to referee their backyard breakup. But the second I start saying no, they throw shade like it’s glitter at a unicorn parade.

And the bugs. The bugs. I didn’t invite them. Yet they arrive like they got a group text from the plants outside. Some walk in like they forgot their keys. Others just stare from the sink drain like they’re plotting a musical.

Anyway, if you’ve ever felt like you’re living in a spooky, slightly glamorous fever dream with popcorn in your hair and no one noticing but the raccoon across the street… this issue is for you.

🌟 CELEBRITY OF THE WEEK
✨Created and curated by 12 ¾ year old Sylra Moonquill!✨







🎤 MADELINE MONROE MICHELLE JAIME RODRIGUEZ
– Pop Icon. Lunar Angel. Cosmic Vocalist of the Decade. –

Name: Madeline Monroe Michelle Jaime Rodriguez
Stage Name: M³J
Age: 24
Height: 5'4"
Hair: Shoulder-length buttery blonde
Eyes: Green like alien emeralds
Build: Skinny, starlight, and snatched
Occupation: Legendary singer-songwriter, Lunar Muse, and Celestial Dreamer
Family:

  • 1 Child: Indigo Skye Rodriguez 🌈



  • Spouse: Charles Rodriguez, 24, poet-chef with dreamy sideburns



Achievements:

  • First woman to perform on The Actual Moon

  • Invented "Sparkle Glass"—a ticket that lets you breathe on the moon without an air tank

  • Her hit single “Zero Gravity Heartbreak” broke the sound barrier AND three emotional ones

Famous Quote:

“You don’t need wings to fly. Just a song that can hold you.”

Fun Fact: Her concert is opened by a floating holographic dolphin choir that sings harmonies while doing synchronized flips in zero gravity.

🚨TMZ MOONDUST UPDATE
“MOON CONCERT LEAK!”
Charles Rodriguez seen baking meteor muffins backstage while Madeline practices a new note only bats and angels can hear. Concertgoers are already camping out in orbit. One fan built a rocket using friendship bracelets and aluminum foil. It might work.

👾 CREATURE OF THE WEEK
Created and fearfully documented by 11-year-old Lyric Thorne



 🌭🔥 Beware the HAIRITOGA 🔥🌭

Name: Hairitoga
Species: Wolf-Cheetah Hybrid of Chaos
Appearance: Covered in tangled fur, flaming red eyes, hot dog mustard scars on his paws
Height: Unknown—never seen standing still
Habitat: Under your bed. Or under your sink. He switches when you’re not looking.
Personality: Sneaky. Fast. Smells faintly of ketchup.

CRIME REPORT:



  • Seen at Johnson’s Hot Dog Factory

  • Stole hundreds of hot dogs while howling a mysterious country-rap remix

  • Left no footprints… only wiener wrappers and fur

Abilities:

  • Can teleport between shadowy places and small cabinets

  • Steals only on full moons and national cookout holidays

  • Can mimic the sound of a microwave ding

Weakness:

  • Fear of vacuum cleaners

  • Detests vegan sausages

  • Gets sleepy if you sing lullabies backwards

WANTED POSTER QUOTE:

“Don’t look under your bed. He’s already in the bathroom.”

 


🔮 Mystical Riddle of the Week 🔮
(Approved by the Moonquill-Thorne Council of Magical Curiosity)

Riddle:
I have hands but cannot clap,
I tell the truth but never chat.
I move forward, never back—
Ticking by, I stay on track.
What am I?


🪲 BUG REPORT
We’ve officially named the indoor/outdoor insect mafia “The Bugaloos.”
Their spokesperson, Larry the Centipede, was seen sunbathing on the couch. He did NOT pay rent.

📚 VOCABULARY WORDS

  1. Boundary Invaders – People who treat your “no” like it’s just a decorative word

  2. Bugvergence – When bugs and chaos converge at the same emotional moment

  3. Hollow Helpfulness – Aid that is disguised as friendship but powered by self-interest

  4. Sparkle Glass – Magical ticket medium that lets you survive in space and shine doing it

  5. Hairitoga – The hot-dog stealing beast your nightmares warned you about

🎵 PLAYLIST OF THE WEEK

  • “No Means Moonwalk” – Madeline Monroe

  • “Under Your Sink (Where I Sleep)” – Hairitoga’s Lament

  • “Neighbors from the Netherrealm” – The Emotionally Loud

  • “Wiener Heist in C Minor” – Lyric & the Midnight Snacks

  • “You Thought I Was Your Friend (I’m Not)” – Side-Eye Serenade

🌜 ORIGINAL QUOTE

“Magic is real. So are bugs. Choose your battles.”
– Mira Selah

🎟️ WIN A SPARKLE GLASS TICKET!
Write your own Twilight Jumanji diary entry OR a haiku about Hairitoga.
Best submission wins a handcrafted moon pass, a sticker pack, and a vacuum amulet to scare off hot dog thieves.

With interstellar gratitude and just enough sanity to function,
🖋️ Mira Selah
Chronically Bewildered in the Town That Time Pretends Isn’t Weird


Bonus Thought from Mira Selah:

"Even when time feels weird (like when your neighbors are acting like background characters in a cursed board game), the clock still keeps going… so you might as well dance while it ticks."

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