The Stardust Shapeshifter Edition

 

🌟 FEATURED ARTICLE

Rachel Minerva Anna Joy Smith III: The Shape of Stardust



Written by Sylra Moonquill, Age 12¾
Home Journalist, Celebrity Correspondent, Glitter Detective

When I first tried to shapeshift, I turned into a velvet bean bag and missed snack time. But Rachel Minerva Anna Joy Smith III? She’s been professionally shapeshifting since she was eleven years old. Now at the mysterious age of 38 (ish), she’s still starring in every role of her films, thanks to her wild and otherworldly talent: true, unfiltered shapeshifting.

Yes. She plays every single character in every one of her movies.
No stunt doubles. No CGI. Just pure form-flipping finesse.

This week, Mystic News is honored to name Rachel our Fictional Celebrity of the Week, not just because she’s amazing, but because her new movie is about to change everything.

🎬 Coming Soon:

SPACESHIP: ALIENS FROM PLANET CORDENTIVE

Directed by: Rachel
Written by: Rachel
Costumes by: Rachel
Also starring: Rachel (as everyone)

Early synopses say the film includes:

  • An alien baking contest

  • A glitter-fueled escape through a black hole made of mirrors

  • A surprise twist involving sentient eyebrows

This movie is already being whispered about in dream forums and lunchboxes across the galaxies.

🎟 TICKETS:

This is not a movie you can stream or buy with boring Earth dollars. Oh no.

You’ll need a scoop of NOXI – a shimmering mixture made from:

  • ✨ Grinded-up leaves (they must be grinded by someone over age 7)

  • ✨ Moon-glitter, ethically sourced and stirred counterclockwise

Only those who create their own batch of Noxi are worthy of entering the Cordentive Screening Portal. Rumor has it Rachel herself shapeshifts into a sparkly vapor to check your mixture for authenticity.

“Cinema should feel like a spell, not a scroll,” Rachel once whispered to a confused raccoon in Central Park.

SYLRA'S RATING:

🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐 / 5 Planets
(Also, I’m re-learning how to shapeshift. This time I’m aiming for a disco cloud.)

📚 HOMESCHOOL HIGHLIGHTS

  • Literature – We read The Invisible Feather and debated if the main character existed or was a metaphor for loneliness.

  • Alchemy (a.k.a. Kitchen Science) – We accidentally made citrus slime while trying to ferment lemon soda.

  • Mythology – We mapped out the emotional landscape of the Greek Underworld.

  • Economics – Learned how to run a fairy tale toll booth using gumdrops and polite threats.

🪄 MAGICAL VOCABULARY OF THE WEEK

WordDefinitionUse
NoxiA mystical mixture of crushed leaves and moon glitter used as interdimensional currency.“I spilled Noxi in my boots and now ants keep bowing to me.”
CordentiveA planet rumored to be made of crystalline thought-matter and home to advanced shapeshifters.“Cordentive doesn’t use clocks. They measure time by changes in emotional frequency.”
ShapelumeThe glow left behind when a shapeshifter changes form too fast.“Rachel’s shapelume looked like a comet dipped in strawberry milk.”

🌀 RIDDLE ME THIS

I am many, yet I’m one.
I change at will, and I weigh a ton.
I star in dreams, I dance in space—
Who am I with a million face?

(Answer: Rachel Minerva Anna Joy Smith III... or your imagination after a root beer float.)

🔮 COSMIC HOROSCOPES

Aries – Time to try something new. Like telepathic gardening or sky yoga.
Leo – Don’t argue with the toaster today. It’s been through a lot.
Scorpio – A secret admirer may reveal themselves... as a disguised houseplant.
Taurus – Trust your instincts. Especially if they say “wear the cloak.”
Aquarius – If you feel electric, roll with it. Avoid puddles. Become the lightning.

🧚‍♀️ CREATURE OF THE WEEK: The Dweeblewhomp



Name: Dweeblewhomp
Habitat: Sock drawers and between couch cushions
Diet: Echoes of laughter, untold jokes, and mild mischief
Fun Fact: Dweeblewhomps become temporarily visible if someone laughs while sneezing

🎵 SONG OF THE WEEK

“Space Song” by Beach House

Dreamy, distant, a little haunting, and a LOT like watching a Rachel Minerva movie with headphones on in the backseat of a spaceship. Listen while stargazing, journaling, or sipping your favorite mood tea.

🎧 Listen on YouTube or wherever your astral body streams tunes.

🪷 QUOTE FROM MIRA SELAH:

“If shapeshifting your soul means turning into a better version of yourself—do it. Even if you have to sparkle while doing math.”

🏁 CLOSING THOUGHTS

As homeschoolers, we don’t just learn—we transform, shift, and glow. Whether you're trying to understand algebra, or trying not to accidentally shapeshift into a coat rack, remember:

You are the mystery. You are the spell. You are the syllabus.

Until next week, keep your potions labeled, your thoughts expansive, and your Noxi stirred well.

With glitter and gratitude,
✨ Mira Selah
🖋️ Sylra Moonquill
🎒 The Entire Enchanted Homeschool Crew

MYSTIC NEWS – A Weekly Dispatch for the Incurably Curious and Eternally Imaginative

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